Oneshot: Lovely, Lonely
by colouredred
Summary: Lonely nights and lovely sights - if only it could been that simple. Kaien/OC


**Disclaimer: I don't own 'Vampire Knight'. Sayuri is mine.**

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><p><em>Lovely, Lonely<em>

Her skin was dusted with wear – freckles, scars and hues of colour. In the moonlight, she shone with the illusion of something more pure, of snow and stars. But here, next to him, he felt as if he knew a part of her that no one else did.

With his hands, he traced lines and plaid connect-the-dots among the patches of her pale skin and sprinkles of freckles. Small scars criss-crossed along her back and a tattoo was inked into her side, and yet for all the lack of purity, Kaien Cross couldn't help but marvel at her beauty. To him, her freckles were a galaxy, her bruised skin a work of art, and her scars did nothing to dissuade his fingers from wandering across them.

Her breathes came evenly, her heartbeat steady, as her own hands traced the edges of his own scars. The years of hunting had worn away at his body, but she remained beside him anyway – Sayuri Kuran was not one for shallow sentiments.

Eventually, her smile stole his sense of rationality. Kaien never could resist Sayuri. It was that habit that had led to their naked skin and shared bed. He knew it was wrong, he knew her heritage and just what she was; the cursed daughter of Rido Kuran and Shizuko Hio. Simply for having those two as parents, even knowing that they had been unwilling in union, Sayuri was ostracised from vampiric society. And vampire was what she was, to her very bones, while he, himself, was a vampire hunter. Sayuri often laughed at the unlikelihood of their friendship.

When she turned away from him, rolling on her side, Kaien was left with a face full of her reddish-brown hair. When standing, he knew it hung tousled and shoulder-length.

"Usually, I don't like spending time here." Sayuri breathed softly, referring to the walls around them. It was her estate, where she had spent much of her time until Kaien asked her to teach at his academy. They were staying there together for the summer break, which Kaien had never thought twice about it seeing as their friendship dated decades back.

"But it isn't so bad with company." She added at length. Kaien wasn't sure if she referred to him, or to the many strangers who sought sanctuary in her home.

He dared not answer her, not trusting himself to say the right words. There were so many thoughts pressing on his mind that his tongue felt heavy and he could do nothing but continue to hold her. His fingers chased ghosts across her hip, up to the floral tattoo under her arm. Though the sheets lay pushed to end of her bed, it was warm enough that there wasn't a need for them anyway.

He shouldn't have been there, he was certain. He should never have agreed to visit when he knew it would only lead to another mistake like this.

His conviction wavered when her fingers settled over his. Sayuri guided his hand from her waist, along her stomach and across her chest. When he reached her neck, Kaien turned her face towards him as gently as he could manage. Her eyes were bright blue, marking her as the clear descendent of Rido Kuran. Only her features, beautifully sculpted, carried traces of her Hio heritage. Of course, her parents and Pureblood status had never concerned Kaien that much, and they certainly didn't hinder his kisses.

Sayuri's grip on his neck secured him there, as if he had ever wanted to move away. Kaien, hoping his weight didn't crush her too much, had settled over her as the kisses became more drawn out. He was sure he grew flushed, feeling inexperienced next to a woman seven times older than he – which was a silly thought to have, seeing as Kaien, himself, had almost two centuries of experience under his belt.

"I…" Sayuri breathed, shuddering to a stop when Kaien scattered kisses along her neck, "Kaien – I can't always stay in control."

"I'm not asking you to." He teased, unable to resist.

Sayuri's laughter brushed past his ear. "Not _that_ – I meant my thirst. I haven't fed in quite some time, and if we continue this way, you might get more than you bargained for."

He pulled away, rolling onto his back once more. Though the taste of her skin lingered in his mind, he pushed it aside to focus on the problem at hand. He wished he could have put the conversation off, to keep living this dream of theirs. "I knew exactly what I was getting into, Sayuri," he replied, his voice cool and reserved, "You're a vampire – and I've never pretended otherwise."

"I wouldn't want you to. It's just hard to keep instincts in check, especially when I want so badly to give in," she paused, smiling to herself, "I can only imagine how sweet your blood must taste."

"No sweeter than any other."

Sayuri lifted her arm over her face, as if trying to hide from him. "It always tastes sweeter if it comes from a lover."

He hated that she put a word to relationship. He much preferred it undefined, where he didn't have to face the reality of his choices. Kaien had never meant to care this much about her, but it was impossible when she gave him so many reasons to. She, when he had first met her, had shown extraordinary kindness to a man who had told her he would kill her with one wrong move – she had even joked about it. Even in her light-heartedness, she was strong and confident.

He admired her for it, more now than ever. Growing up had never been easy on her, with no friends and no real love from either of her parents. In the face of the greatest adversity, she prevailed, and he was sure she would survive anything he could throw at her.

"I still don't think it would taste any different from anyone else." Kaien at last muttered, sitting up at last. He reached for his glasses first, and then the clothes he had left on the floor.

"As an expert in the taste of blood, I still disagree." Sayuri argued lazily, her hand falling to the empty bed at her side.

Her eyes wandered the room until they met Kaien's figure, studying the muscles taunt across his back. His sandy hair was worn long and loose, the hair tie torn out earlier on that night. Even at this distance, she could smell him as acutely as ever, but focusing on that only caused a dull ache in her chest. She had long ago learnt how to tune out that feeling.

His retort came sharply. "_No,_" Kaien didn't dare glance back, already embarrassed for raising his voice, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to come out like that."

"Yes, you did, or you wouldn't have said it at all. If we're going to argue, I'd rather it be done honestly and unapologetically. There's no reason for you to worry about hurting my feelings." Sayuri dismissed.

Kaien kept silent on the matter, and not because she was right and he _didn't_ worry, but because he _did_. He didn't waste time wondering when or where, or why and how he had come to care for her. It was ancient history, and the present was the only place for him.

"Well?" the sheets rustled as she sat up to speak, "What's wrong?"

He did his best to keep his voice steady. "This can't happen again."

Sayuri, for a second, forgot all about her composure. She was glad that Kaien's back was turned, so he wouldn't have to see the shock passing across her expression. "…Why not?" At least her words didn't shake as spoke them.

"It wouldn't work. You're a Pureblood, and more than that, a vampire."

"And that means I don't feel anything?" In the back of her mind, Sayuri hoped that her soft tone might reach him.

Kaien persisted in the argument. "And as you love to point out, I am, at the very least by blood, a vampire hunter. You expect that a relationship like that would be well received by either ends?"

"I don't expect anything," Sayuri retorted, "That's a weak argument, Kaien, seeing as you have never cared about what anyone thinks of your actions. Already they call you a _vampire friend_, so why not a _vampire lover_? No, that's not your reason for running away from me. Please do not insult me by thinking I'll buy into any sort of crap like that."

He fought a sigh deep inside, surprised at how relieved he was to know she thought him better than that. Of course, Sayuri herself had always hated the 'star-crossed lovers' cliché. Kaien took a few steps towards the door, collecting his shirt from the floor as he went.

"_Kaien Cross_." Sayuri almost sounded angry, even though he had never known her to be before. Just that simple, stern command was enough to make Kaien stop in his tracks.

He blurted the first excuse that crossed his mind. "Why would I leave? For the same reason that everyone else does."

A soft, chocking gasp echoed in the room behind him. It was too quiet for human ears, but his sharper senses caught it anyway – all at once, he regretted every word. Kaien knew how deep he was digging into her wounds, but he did it anyway. She had survived worse than rejection, so surely she could move past this.

"That's bullshit too." She announced. But the little voices in the back of her mind juggernauted around, whispers of the word she tried so hard to forget – _monster._

Kaien took another step towards the door, and behind him Sayuri flung the sheets away from her body. Barefoot, she crossed the expanse of her bedroom until she had reached him. She didn't ask him to look at her, and instead wrapped her arms around his waist. He tensed as her cool fingers slid across his hips and her lips fluttered against his shoulder.

"_Don't leave me_."

"Sayuri-,"

"Don't leave me _alone._"

All his breath fled his lungs, his defences dropped. "I don't _want_ to." Kaien declared quietly.

"Then _don't_." She insisted.

Kaien spun in his heel, allowing his clothes to fall from his hands as he turned and grabbed Sayuri by her shoulders. He opened his mouth to answer her, only to stop short at a sight he had never seen before. Even though there were tears on her cheeks, there was resolve in her eyes.

He never could resist Sayuri – she was his one, unbroken habit.

"Don't cry." He murmured, one hand straying to brush aside some of her stray curls.

"We could make a deal – I won't cry if you don't leave." She suggested, a solemn smile curving her lips.

Kaien merely kissed her forehead, bringing her closer into his embrace. "Love always ends in death."

She fought the urge to laugh, winning until a small smile flickered to life on her lips. "Of course it does. You think this is a world for happy endings? There's no such thing - everything, including love, will end in death."

"And you're prepared for that?"

"I have had centuries to prepare for that. You've had not nearly so much time."

Kaien thumbed away her tears, gazing into her eyes to steady himself. "It's not just that. It's that I'm not ready to give you up for anything. If we were to start something, I'm not sure if I'd be prepared for it end."

Not _if_, Sayuri thought, but _have_. From those first butterflies in her stomach, to this very night where she had lain bare under the moonlight with him, there had existed a very tenuous _something_ between them.

"All things must end," she declared, moving a step backwards, "It's not the end that matters – because that bit is always the same. You have to decide if the happiness you gain is worth that pain."

It was a choice Sayuri had made a long time ago. She had resolved her feelings even knowing they may not be reciprocated, even knowing they might never fade, and it was all for the man standing before her. But if he decided she wasn't worth that risk, it wasn't her problem, and she refused to interfere in it any longer. There was nothing more she could do, and she could beg and plead and act as pathetically as she wanted, but he might never want her in the same way that she wanted him – and, as it happened, Sayuri was far too proud to lament the loss of someone who had never loved her in the first place.

She turned sharply, recovering all her light-heartedness in a single moment. "Whatever you decide, you are free to leave whenever you want."

Kaien only continued to hesitate before the door. Sayuri kept her eyes ahead, even though all her attention was bent towards him.

She took her time dressing in one of the oversized t-shirts she favoured, before collapsing back onto the bed. The sheets rustled as she moved onto them, Kaien watching on and wondering why she seemed so far away to him. Perhaps it was that she lay just beyond his fingertips, and yet none of their steps forward seemed to bring them any closer.

"If I leave now," he announced slowly, softly, "I'll spend the rest of my life missing you."

"Now that's a stupid thing to do, when you don't have to," Sayuri replied, smiling to herself, "I'm not going anywhere, after all."

Kaien felt his body sway, as if her words pulled him forward. He wanted, so badly, to go back to that bubble of time and space where only they existed. If he could have, he would probably choose to stay there forever – but there was no such thing. One of them would die, and though Sayuri was the one who often acted as if she had a death wish, he had a feeling it would be him first. He was the more human of them, no matter how strong the vampire blood ran his veins. Kaien also had an inkling of foreboding that Sayuri knew this, and that she was ready to care for him even knowing that their end would be filled with death.

Before he came to realise it himself, he had cross the expanse of the bedroom to sit on the bed. The mattress caved as he leant forwards, elbows against his knees. Warm, slender fingers reached around his shoulders, an arm on each side, before they gripped his wrists.

"You can't seem to stay away from me." Sayuri whispered, pressing a trail of kisses along his shoulder.

"You're like a bad habit," Kaien agreed jovially, before adding, "And I can't quit."

She moved so that her hands lay draped over each shoulder, pressing her chest to his back as she relaxed against him. "Don't make the mistake of thinking I don't care for you, Kaien. I have always valued your friendship, but I can't ignore my other feelings for you just because they risk that friendship."

"And I think it's pretty obvious that I can't either."

"I can pretend that I don't, though," she added, "Would it be easier that way? I'm very good at lying, you know."

"I know," Kaien replied, his voice far heavier than he intended, "But please don't pretend. It would hurt you – and, whatever else I have said, it's a privilege to have you care about me like that."

Sayuri's teeth grazed his skin, tasting and scenting his blood, before she pulled away hastily. To distract herself, she found herself blurting the first thing to pass through her mind. "I love you."

Kaien tensed under her touch. It was no secret, and she had never pretended it was, but neither of them had touched upon the depth of what lay between before. Sayuri hadn't been thinking – and now that she was, she was relieved to have finally told him.

"Love?" he echoed.

"Love," Sayuri confirmed, "For you."

"Now I really can't leave." Kaien sighed.

The bed shook as Sayuri threw herself back against the sheets. With a handful bunched between her fingers, she pulled the twisted white material over her legs, hesitant to add. At last, the silence became too pervading and she said, "I'm sorry. Please don't feel as if you have to stay simply because that – love is _not_ conditional, and it certainly doesn't mean you owe me anything."

"It's not that," Kaien admitted, turning slowly. His eyes latched onto hers, his breath catching in his throat. "It's that I love you too."

Her hand drifted towards his cheek, a question on her lips. "Then I don't understand what the problem is, anymore."

Kaien, guided more by his heart than his head now, began to lean forward until he hovered close over her. His arms, either side of her shoulders, supported his weight so that it was just enough to keep them apart. Sayuri's cheeks seemed to flush, matching the pink of her lips, as they continued to watch each other.

It was the sadness in her gaze that eventually won him over. He had no desire to ever see that, to ever be the cause of her pain. And how could Kaien leave her, knowing that being alone was the thing she feared most?

"Even though I shouldn't," Kaien declared quietly, "I want to stay. And I will stay."

Her eyes, reflecting cool blue light, drifted shut as he closed the distance. The kiss, as always started out soft, but the insistence of their fingers quickly turned it into something else. It ended only when Kaien moved, swinging his legs onto the bed.

"I can't leave you alone," he whispered against her neck, pulling Sayuri close, "Even though it would be better if I could."

Her laughter echoed around the empty room, light and lilting. It, like always, made him smile.

"I'm sorry." Kaien murmured, his breath teasing her skin.

The smile gracing her lips made him question his words, the certainty with which he spoke. He would have spoken again, if Sayuri hadn't stolen the words from his mouth – "I'm not."

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><p><strong>Sayuri is a complex OC with a lot of internalized issues, so I hope I did okay touching upon them in just one oneshot - and this will remain a oneshot, sadly. I tried to write more on this pairing, but things just kept getting in the way, the plot wasn't working and...well, you get the idea.<strong>

**I better post this before I fall asleep.**

**Thanks for reading!**


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